Cards
Against
Humanity’s
Pulse of the Nation

The Poll

For the fifth day of Cards Against Humanity Saves America, we used your money to fund one year of monthly public opinion polls. We’ll ask the American people about their social and political views, what they think of the president, and their pee-pee habits.

In fact, we secretly started polling three months ago. What a delightful surprise!

To conduct our polls in a scientifically rigorous manner, we’ve partnered with Survey Sampling International — a professional research firm to contact a nationally representative sample of the American public. For the first three polls, we interrupted people’s dinners on both their cell phones and landlines, and a total of about 3,000 adults didn’t hang up immediately. We examined the data for statistically significant correlations, and boy did we find some stuff.

Poll Four

December 2017

For December’s Pulse of the Nation survey, we shrunk ourselves in a tiny submarine and voyaged into the Republican mind. Using public voter registration records, we contacted a random sample of 800 registered Republicans and asked them about their core values and moral principles.

Getting all Offended

Republicans have had it up to here with everyone being a special snowflake. They’re nearly unanimous in their belief that “people should not be so easily offended.”

This chart shows what percentages of the Republicans we polled agree or disagree with the statement that people should not be so easily offended. 93% agree and only 7% disagree. Woof.

Getting all Offended – 2 of 4

Now let’s all take a sip of water and see what Republicans think about Black Lives Matter:

This chart shows how the Republicans we polled think, based on what they have seen or heard, that Black Lives Matter is offensive. 70% consider it offensive, while 30% do not.

Getting all Offended – 3 of 4

The Republicans who are offended by Black Lives Matter are the same Republicans who think people shouldn’t be so easily offended.

We crunched the numbers to figure out the overlap on them: 65.2% of our respondents hold both of these opinions, while 26.7% of those polled only consider people to be too easily offended and 4.4% only think Black Lives Matter is offensive. Only 3.7% of those polled are not offended by Black Lives Matter and do not consider people to be too easily offended.

Getting all Offended – 4 of 4

Republicans who approve of Trump are more likely to suffer from this cognitive dissonance than Republicans who disapprove of Trump.

This chart shows the overlap amongst the Republicans polled who approve of Trump: there is a 70.5% overlap between those who consider Black Lives Matter offensive and those who think people are too easily offended, while 23.2% only consider people to be too easily offended and 3.9% only consider Black Lives Matter to be offensive. Amongs Trump-approving Republicans polled, only 2.5% neither consider Black Lives Matter to be offensive nor people to be too easily offended.This chart shows these overlaps amongst Republicans polled who disapprove of Donald Trump: this time there is only a 55.2% overlap, while 35.4% only consider people to be too easily offended and 6.2% only consider Black Lives Matter to be offensive. Amongst Republicans polled who disapprove of Donald Trump, 3.1% neither consider Black Lives Matter to be offensive nor people to be too easily offended.

Free Speech

Republicans consider themselves to be staunch defenders of free speech. Most of them think you should be allowed to express a political opinion in the workplace without getting fired.

This chart breaks down how the Republicans we polled think about free speech in the workplace. When asked whether they think that people should be free to express their political opinions in the workplace without getting fired, 74% responded in the affirmative and only 26% responded negatively.

Free Speech – 2 of 4

However, if your workplace is a sports stadium, and your job is “athlete,” you better shut the fuck up about politics and respect the flag!

This chart shows how the Republicans we polled responded to a differently-worded question about whether they think professional athletes should be allowed to sit or kneel during the National Anthem as part of a political protest. Turns out making the question more specific got 19% of Republicans to agree that free speech in the workplace is a good idea while a staggering 81% think employers should be allowed to fire their employees for expressing political opinions (if those employees are athletes).

Free Speech – 3 of 4

These are obviously irreconcilable political positions. And yet here we are.

Again, we crunched the numbers to figure out the overlap on those two: 57.9% of respondents hold the entirely contradictory beliefs that people should be free to express political opinions in the workplace without being fired and that athletes should not be allowed to sit or kneel during the National Anthem as part of a political protest, while 15.7% only thought the former and 22% only thought the latter. Only 4.4% of respondents believed simultaneously that employers should be allowed to fire their employees for expressing political opinions but that athletes should be allowed to do so, which actually kind of reminds me of high school.

Free Speech – 4 of 4

Once again, Trump-supporting Republicans are more “ideologically” “flexible” than Republicans who disapprove of Trump.

This chart shows the overlap amongst the Republicans polled who approve of Trump: there is a 61.3% overlap between those who think people should be free to express political opinions in the workplace without being fired and that athletes should not be allowed to sit or kneel during the National Anthem as part of a political protest, while 12.2% only thought the former and 22.9% only thought the latter. Amongst Trump-approving Republicans polled, 3.6% hold neither opinion.This describes this same overlap amongst Trump-disapproving Republicans: 49% share these two contradictory beliefs, while 30.8% only hold the former and 18.3% only hold the latter. 1.9% hold neither opinion.

Foreigners

Most Republicans think we should be more suspicious—as opposed to more trusting—of foreigners.

This chart breaks down whether the Republicans we polled think we should be more trusting or more suspicious of foreigners. 68% thought we should be more suspicious, while only 32% thought we should be more trusting.

Foreigners – 2 of 4

This makes sense. We should be suspicious of foreigners who are openly hostile to American interests, like Vladimir Putin. Oh, wait.

When asked whether those same Republicans believed Vladimir Putin when he said that he did not interfere with the 2016 Presidential election, we found out that 51% trust Vladimir Putin and 49% do not. Suspicious!

Foreigners – 3 of 4

One in three Republicans manage to distrust foreigners while trusting Vladimir Putin.

How about we look at the overlap between those two response sets? Turns out: 35.3% of Republicans simultaneously believe that Americans are too trusting of foreigners while also trusting Vladimir Putin's statement about not interfering in the 2016 Presidential election. 32.2% only believe that Americans are too trusting of foreigners, while 14.6% only believe in Vladimir Putin's word. 17.9% of respondents believed neither.

Foreigners – 4 of 4

Republicans who approve of Trump are over twice as likely to pull off this feat of mental gymnastics than Republicans who disapprove of Trump.

Amongst Trump-approvers, 41.7% simultaneously believe Americans are too trusting of foreigners while also taking Putin at his word. 33.7% only believe the former, and 14.9% only believe the latter. 9.7% believe neither.The results are pretty different among Trump-disapprovers: 20.3% believe Americans are too trusting of foreigners while also trusting Putin's statement. 31.1% only believe the former, and 14.9% only believe the latter. 33.8% of Republicans polled who disapprove of Donald Trump do not believe that Americans are too trusting of foreigners while still distrusting Vladimir Putin.

OK, we’re getting to the point where exposing hypocrisy is no longer funny and just kind of sad.

Big Government

We asked Republicans if they thought the government should place tighter restrictions on who can buy a gun. They were evenly split on the question.

Turns out, of the Republicans we polled, 48% think the government should place tighter restrictions on who can buy a gun and 52% think it shouldn't.

Big Government – 2 of 2

We asked Republicans if they thought the government should place tighter restrictions on access to pornography. Most said yes.

In fact, 65% said yes and 35% said no.

At least they have their priorities straight.

Jesus Christ

If Jesus were alive today, would he support Donald Trump? For some reason, a lot of Republicans refused to answer this question. We hypothesize that their heads exploded.

Turns out, when you ask the Republicans we polled to consider how Jesus would feel about Donald Trump, a full 22% of them refuse to answer entirely. 61% seem to think Jesus would approve of Donald Trump, while only 17% think Jesus would disapprove.

Yes, gentle Trump, mild and meek, who feeds the poor and heals the sick, who loves his neighbor and blesses those who persecute him, who never looketh upon a woman with lust, and who did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.

Poll Three

November 2017

For November’s Pulse of the Nation survey, we asked Americans about equality.

Equality

We asked people if they’d rather live in a more equal society or a more unequal society. Almost everyone said they’d rather live in a more equal society.

This chart shows how those polled responded to the question of whether they would rather live in a more equal society or a more unequal society. 90% of respondents would prefer to live in a more equal society, while 10% are thirsty for inequality

Equality – 2 of 3

Look! Even Republicans want to live in a more equal society.

This chart breaks down the responses of those polled who want a more equal society by political affiliation. Amongst those polled, 95% of Democrats, 90% of Independents, and 83% of Republicans would prefer to live in a more equal society, all with very low variance.

Equality – 3 of 3

But when we asked people about actually creating a more equal society through redistribution of wealth... womp womp! Democrats were nearly four times as likely as Republicans to say that the government should redistribute wealth.

This shows what percentage of those polled approve of a government redistribution of wealth, broken up by political affiliation. Amongst those polled: 67% of Democrats, 42% of Independents, and only 17% of Republicans approve of this plan to combat inequality

So Republicans want a more equal society, but only if it happens by magic.

Estimating Equality

We asked people to guess how much of the country’s wealth was owned by the richest 1% of Americans. The answer is 39%, which is insane, but liberals have done such a great job panicking about inequality that most people think it’s worse.

This chart shows percentages of respondents broken down by how mucy money they think the top 1% owns. Responses are high around both the lower and upper end (skewed toward the upper end), but dips deep in the 30-50% range (where the true value lies). I guess we just don't know

Estimating Equality – 2 of 3

As usual, Democrats are a few years ahead of the curve. Maybe they were factoring in the effects of the Republican tax plan.

This plot shows the range of responses from various political identifications to the question of how much wealth the top 1% owns. Ranges are very wide here. Amongst Democrats, responses ranged mostly from 30% to 90% with an overall result of 75%. Amongst Independents the range of responses goes from 25% to 80% with an overall result of 60%. Finally, Republican responses ranged from 10% to 80% with an overall result of 50%.

Estimating Equality – 3 of 3

The more educated you are, the more you overestimate how wealthy the top 1% is.

Finally, we break up ranges of responses based on the education level of the respondent. Amongst those with a high school diploma-equivalent or less, responses ranged from 24% to 80% with an overall result of 50%. Those with some college education responded primarily in the range of 20% to 83% with an overall result of 60%. And, amongst those with a college degree, responses ranged from 24% to 83% with an overall result of 65%.

We were expecting people to underestimate inequality so that we could smugly correct them. Womp womp.

Rap

Is rap music? This is a very complicated question.

We asked people whether rap was music or not, which is obvious whether you like it or not. Turns out, 34% of those polled agree with your racist uncle.

How you answer this question reveals a lot about the kind of person you are. People who don’t think rap is music are more likely to be older, rural, uneducated, conservative, approve of Trump, oppose welfare, and think black people benefit from welfare more than white people.

Rap – 2 of 8

This shows how respondents who don't think rap is music feel about Donald Trump. 23% seem to disapprove of him, but 51% of them approve of Trump.

Yep.

Rap – 3 of 8

Now we've sliced the data by generation. While only 18% of Millennials and 23% of Gen-Xers think your racist uncle is good people, 49% of Boomers consider rap not to be music.

Yep.

Rap – 4 of 8

If we slice up the rap data by education level, we find that as you get more educated you are more likely to correctly believe that rap is, in fact, music. Amongst those polled with a high school diploma or less education, 51% of respondents thought rap was not music. 43% of those with some college education, 23% of those with a college degree, and 24% of those with a graduate degree agree.

Yep.

Rap – 5 of 8

Let's look at this data broken up by political affiliation. Oh, surprise: while only 17% of liberals incorrectly believe that rap is not music, 31% of moderates and a staggering 49% of conservatives are taxonomically incorrect

Yep.

Rap – 6 of 8

Okay how about we try to split that up by population density? 27% of urbanites, 31% of suburbanites and 41% of rural folks do not classify rap as music.

Yep.

Rap – 7 of 8

Okay let's drop the pretension: can we predict whether or not people consider rap to be music based on whether or not they think black people benefit more from welfare. Here comes a shocker: amongst those polled who do not believe black people benefit more from welfare, 71% consider rap to be music. Amongst those polled who believe black people DO benefit more from welfare, it is a very close race with the correct answer winning out by 2 percentage points at 51%

Yep.

Rap – 8 of 8

Finally, we slice this data up based on how folks responded to the question of how they feel about the current welfare funding level. Of those who think it is too low, 28% of respondents did not consider rap to be music. Among those who think it is about right, 29% believe rap is not music. Unsurprisingly, among those who consider the current federal welfare funding level to be too high 46% of respondents did not believe rap to be music.

This might be a good question to ask on a first date.

Farts

Because we could, we asked people if they thought their farts were more smelly or less smelly than other people’s farts. This question made people extremely uncomfortable: about half of respondents refused to answer or hung up the phone. Good thing we asked this question last.

This chart shows the completely subjective results of asking people how smelly they think their farts are in comparison to others. 51% refused to answer entirely for some reason, but 30% of folks believed their farts to be less smelly than average while 19% are confident in the strong, beautiful smells wafting out of their anus

Farts – 2 of 3

Women thought more highly of their farts than men.

Sliced up based on the gender of the respondents, we find that 53% of men and a staggering 74% of women think their smarts are less smelly than the average fart.

Farts – 3 of 3

And here’s one that Republicans can enjoy: Democrats like the smell of their own farts.

Breaking up our fart responses by political affiliation, we find that 70% of Democrats think their farts smell better than usual, while only 56% of Independents and 58% of Republicans think the same.

Poll Two

October 2017

For October’s Pulse of the Nation survey, we asked citizens about light-hearted topics such as white nationalism, racism, and their love for America.

Civil War II

We asked people whether they thought it was likely that there would be a civil war within the next decade.

A chart describing how, of those polled, a full third believe a civil war is likely to happen in the next decade.

Fuck. We found that one in three Americans think a Civil War is likely. Fuck!

Civil War II – 2 of 3

Democrats are almost twice as worried about civil war as Republicans. This is even more worrying because Democrats are usually right about things.

A chart showing that, of those polled, 43% of Democrats, 33% of Independents, and 26% of Republicans think a second Civil War is likely.

Civil War II – 3 of 3

People who are worried about civil war are more likely to support Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as a candidate for president.

A chart describing how, of those polled who believe a civil war is likely in the next decade, 44% would vote for a Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson presidency while 30% would not

Maybe people worried about a civil war are looking to unite the country behind a universally beloved celebrity. Or maybe they’re looking for someone with prior military experience as a Scorpion King.

The Other Side

We asked people if they supported white nationalism, and only 9% of Republicans said yes (assuming, very generously, that they all understood the question).

This chart describes the results of a poll asking what percentage of Republicans those polled believe to be sympathetic to white nationalism, broken down by political affiliation. Amongst Democrats, the range of responses varies between 70% and 22%, with an overall result of 50%. Amongst Independents, the range varies between 60% and 12%, with an overall result of 35%. Finally, amongst Republicans, the range varies between 50% and 5% with an overall result of 15%. An annotation notes that, of Republicans polled, 9% support white nationalism.

Then, we had everybody guess the percentage of Republicans who supported white nationalism.

The Other Side – 2 of 3

Democrats and Independents overestimate Republicans’ support for white nationalism.

Even Republicans overestimate their own party’s support for white nationalism. On average, those who are worried about civil war vastly overestimate Republicans’ support for white nationalism.

This chart describes the results of the poll about what percentage of Republicans those polled believe support white nationalism, sliced up based on whether the respondent believes a civil war is likely in the next decade. Amongst those who find this likely, the responses ranged from 71% to 26% with an overall result of 50%. Amongst those who found it unlikely, the responses ranged from 50% to 7% with an overall result of 25%. An annotation notes that, of Republicans polled, 9% support white nationalism.

The Other Side – 3 of 3

Republicans’ views of Democrats are not so accurate, either. Though 96% of Democrats say they love America, Republicans greatly underestimate this number.

This chart describes the results of a poll asking what percentage of Democrats those polled believe would say they love America, broken down by political affiliation. Amongst Democrats, the range of responses varies between 100% and 77%, with an overall result of 90%. Amongst Independents, the range varies between 99% and 50%, with an overall result of 80%. Finally, amongst Republicans, the range varies between 85% and 40% with an overall result of 70%. An annotation notes that, of Democrats polled, 96% said they love America.

Neither Democrats nor Republicans have any idea what the other side believes. Americans are united in their refusal to understand anyone who disagrees with them. It’s kind of beautiful when you think about it.

Fun Facts About Racism

According to our Twitter feeds, calling white people racists is an important American pastime. Just how racist do Americans think white people are?

This chart describes the percentages of those polled who think most white people are racist, broken down by race. Turns out: 11% of white people, 24% of latinx people, and 25% of black people think most white people are racist.

Across demographics, most people incorrectly believe that white people are not racist. Black and Latino people are twice as likely to correctly believe that white people are, indeed, racist.

Fun Facts About Racism – 2 of 3

Now for the tricky bit. We asked people to guess how many Democrats thought most white people are racist. While only 21% of Democrats actually think most white people are racist, everyone overestimated this number.

This chart describes the results of a poll asking what percentage of Democrats those polled believe would say most white people are racist, broken down by political affiliation. Amongst Democrats, the range of responses varies between 70% and 18%, with an overall result of 40%. Amongst Independents, the range varies between 70% and 24%, with an overall result of 50%. Finally, amongst Republicans, the range varies between 80% and 30% with an overall result of 50%. An annotation notes that, of Democrats polled, 21% think most white people are racist.

Most people think Democrats think most white people are racist, but very few Democrats actually do. TL;DR: everyone overestimates how much Democrats hate white people.

Fun Facts About Racism – 3 of 3

All this talk about white people makes us wonder: what do black people think about all this? Turns out that they’re really worried about another civil war.

This chart describes the percentages of those polled who think a civil war is likely in the next decade, broken up by race. Amongs those polled: 28% of white people, 44% of latinx people, and 56% of black people find it likely that there will be a civil war in the next decade.

Maybe we should believe the Americans who had the most at stake in the previous Civil War.

The Power of the Dark Side

And finally, the simplest question of all: who would you rather have as President, Donald Trump or Darth Vader?

This chart describes whether those polled would prefer Donald Trump or Darth Vader as president. Among those polled, Donald Trump wins with 61% of the vote.

Pretty good showing for a fictional supervillain. Way to go, Darth!

The Power of the Dark Side – 2 of 3

Fully 65% of Democrats, 43% of Independents, and even 8% of Republicans prefer the order of the Galactic Empire to the chaos of the Trump administration.

This chart describes the relationship between preferring Darth Vader over Donald Trump and political affiliation. Of those polled: 65% of Democrats, 43% of Independents, and only 8% of Republicans would prefer the retired pod-racer Darth Vader.

The Power of the Dark Side – 3 of 3

Holy fuck. 71% of African Americans would prefer Darth Vader to Donald Trump.

This chart describes the relationship between the racial identity of those polled and their preference for Donald Trump or Darth Vader. Amongst those polled, 29% of white people (with little margin of error) prefer Darth Vader versus 71% of black people (with a higher margin of error).

Fuuuuuck.

Poll One

September 2017

For our very first Pulse of the Nation survey, we ventured into the dark minds of American citizens to see how they feel about Donald Trump and peeing in the shower.

Dumb and Happy

We began our first poll with a classic dilemma: “If you had to choose, would you rather be smart and sad, or dumb and happy?”

A chart showing that, of those polled, 47% of people would rather be smart and sad, while 53% would rather be dumb and happy.

This was the most divisive question in our survey. 10% of our respondents were so flummoxed that they refused to answer.

Dumb and Happy – 2 of 3

Here’s the political breakdown:

A chart showing that, of those polled, 41% of Democrats, 56% of Independents, and 64% of Republicans would rather be dumb and happy than smart and sad.

Do these results prove that Republicans are happy idiots? Science can never really “prove” anything, but fuck it: the answer is yes.

Dumb and Happy – 3 of 3

Also of interest: people who prefer being smart and sad are more likely to accept the scientific consensus on climate change.

A chart showing that, of those polled, 48% of people who believe climate change is real and caused by people, 57% of those who believe climate change is real but not caused by people, and 69% (nice) of people who belive climate change is not real would rather be dumb and happy than smart and sad.

Robots

Next, we asked respondents whether they thought it was likely or unlikely that robots would take their jobs within the next decade.

A chart showing that, of those polled, 80% of respondents consider it unlikely their jobs will be taken by robots in the next decade and 20% consider it likely.

Turns out that people are not nearly as worried as they should be about technological unemployment.

Robots – 2 of 3

Ethnic minorities are particularly worried about robots taking their jobs. White people are more worried about ethnic minorities taking their jobs.

A chart showing that, of those polled, 16% of white people and 31% of non-white people consider it likely that robots will take their job within the next decade

Robots – 3 of 3

People who have seen more than one Transformers movie are especially worried about robots taking their jobs.

A chart showing that, of those polled, 16% of people who have seen 0-1 Transformers films and 26% of those who have seen 2-5 Transformers films consider it likely their jobs will be taken by robots in the next decade.

If a robot can transform into a car, then it can also transform into a customer service representative.

Pee-Pee

We asked people whether it is okay to pee in the shower, which it is. It’s not a big deal, folks. It all ends up in the same place.

A chart showing that, of those polled, 43% consider it acceptable to pee in the shower while 57% are wrong.

We couldn’t believe that 57% of Americans hold these outdated, puritanical pee-pee beliefs.

Pee-Pee – 2 of 3

But then we looked at the age breakdown:

A chart showing that, of those polled, 56% of Millennials, 43% of Gen-Xers, and only 37% of Baby Boomers correctly consider it acceptable to pee in the shower

Our results indicate that we are in the midst of an inter-generational pee-pee revolution.

Pee-Pee – 3 of 3

Here’s the race breakdown. This is a great opportunity for you to write your own problematic joke!

A chart showing that, of those polled (and with a WIDE margin of error), 34% of black people, 43% of white people, 49% of latinx people, and 55% of asian people consider it acceptable to pee in the shower. Which, again: it is.

Our Dumb President Asshole

No opinion poll would be complete without a reminder of our dumb asshole president’s depressingly non-zero approval rating.

A chart showing that, of those polled, 54% disapprove, 41% approve, and 5% neither approve nor disapprove of our dumb asshole president

What kind of person looks at the news and says “things are going pretty well”?

Our Dumb President Asshole – 2 of 3

The same kind of person who sees one Transformers movie and says, “I’d like to see another Transformers movie.”

A chart describing the relationship between number of Transformers films seen and approval of our dumb asshole president. Margins are relatively wide, but: 45% of those polled who have not seen a Transformers film, 37% of those who have seen a single Transformers film, 42% of those who have seen two or three Transformers films, and 48% of those who have seen four or five Transformers films approve of our dumb asshole president.

Our Dumb President Asshole – 3 of 3

This one’s pretty self-explanatory.

A chart describing how people who would rather be dumb and happy feel about our dumb asshole president. 62% of them approve.

The Future

Your support of Cards Against Humanity Saves America is paying for an entire year of monthly public opinion polls. We’ll keep asking Americans about the important issues of the day, like income inequality, political polarization, and the whole Trump thing. You can find all our results so far, including the raw data, here.

Are you a social scientist or academic who studies public opinion? Want to ask Americans something that no funding agency or internal review board would approve in a million years? Maybe we can help! Apply online to get your questions included in future polls.

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